Ready to toss in the towel…

August 2nd, 2011 | Posted by Lunar in Bridal Buzz | Myself | Relationships - (2 Comments)

I now know why people hire wedding coordinators. And I think that while I could be a good one, planning one in 4 months is pushing the luck. It’s not quite the same thing as “this pen costs $5 and this pen costs $3 but the first one looks prettier” so you juggle between esthetics vs. price. Here you have so many variants, you go nuts trying to keep track of it all. Venue A might have gorgeous windows and a nice layout and a good location but costs $55/person. Venue B has better food, OK layout and general aura, good location but their food costs $52/person. Add on the alcohol bill for Venue A plus tax plus 16% gratuity. Add on the alcohol bill for Venue B which only has the option for an open bar or cash bar plus tax plus 18% gratuity. And mind you, you never have just two locations – there are always several. And how do you choose when all the factors are on the table simultaneously and it’s no longer price vs. look? It’s also about the cost of alcohol, general aura, whether you can have dancing there or not, and the list goes on…

I’ve thought about just doing the church and going home for cake and pictures. And then I also thought that this is one day everybody is supposed to get. Something to look back on, to remember when you’re old and wrinkly but still together, retired, walking hand in hand in the park. Will it really matter what our menu was like when we are remembering it then? As long as it isn’t so terrible, it’s not edible, the food is food. And I do get butterflies thinking about our first dance and our cake cutting and the toasts people will make… It’s a day of love. And while I welcome it with open arms, I wonder if all love has to be worked so hard for. Some venues try to negotiate your date with you, other venues tell you you can only decorate the room right before your reception, and so on. Maybe this is a test of how flexible you can be to keep compromising?

The Back Up Plan

July 29th, 2011 | Posted by Lunar in Relationships | Theories & Philosophy - (0 Comments)

How many movies in the last year have come out to be about the “friends with benefits” arrangement? Oh, and these movies are supposed to be “chick flicks” as well (i.e. something that girls would like, not men). The most recent one is actually called “Friends with Benefits” but right before that was “No Strings Attached” and “Love and Other Drugs.” You start off with a committed arrangement that you will maintain the relationship/friendship as long as each of the parties requires the sexual gratification purely for the physiological needs. No expectations, no feelings/attachments, just sex. The reason why these movies are supposed to be chick flicks is because there is always someone who breaks these rules and decides to fall in love / get hurt in the end but more often than not, the other comes to his/her senses before it’s too late. Supposed to be romantic. Or something.

The reason why I’m bringing this up is that the last socially acceptable reason for marriage is that you don’t want to die alone. While you’re young, the movies described above are quite applicable to your way of living. Why complicate things? But most also understand that youth is temporary and that the old age desires some kind of company. That’s when these folks try to come up with contingency plans: pick a friend and make a pact that if neither get married by the time they are of a certain age (40-45-50ish), they marry each other to avoid this dilemma.

While I had a not-so-pleasant experience with someone who is in the middle of a divorce (i.e. when someone told her of my big news, she went, “ohh… Whyyy?”), another friend of mine was confronted by another divorcee who said that she was too young to know better, basically. She told me that she didn’t see any logic in dating for decades just for the sake of getting older. To me, it sounded that the same rhetoric was in play: “marriage is for older people who are either fooling themselves or who can’t get any more friends with benefits and, therefore, are cashing in their Plan B’s.”

Did you know that according to statistics, married people are no longer the majority in the U.S.? That means that the predominant ideology stems from the single / divorced!

..::’*'::..

So why do people get married then (other than for company in old age)?

  • Because it’s time / you’re supposed to
  • To feel needed or out of duty (i.e. the other needs you to take care of them)
  • To get some kind of stability in your life
  • Because you’re in love
  • To have / raise kids together
  • To grow spiritually and evolve together as one
  • To unite with God together as One

And what is the right reason to get married? I’ll leave that as an open ended question :) But there are most definitely more than just a couple. To choose the right reason would depend entirely upon yourself.

Wedding Shows

July 27th, 2011 | Posted by Lunar in Myself | Relationships - (0 Comments)

I’ve finally cooled off a little and started sleeping a little better thanks to a gigantic progress in the planning process. So now I think I am pretty confident that the years of watching wedding-affiliated shows have finally started to pay off as I have learnt the ropes of it. So now I watch these shows just to make sure I haven’t looked over anything and to fill in any missing gaps that there may be.

But I can’t believe how some couples get during the entire planning process together. They get at each other’s throats on television, they insult each other’s intelligence, and so on. One wedding planner actually asked a bride on her wedding day, “What would happen if you saw something your groom had picked that you don’t like?” (In that show, the trick was that the bride gives up her right to control anything but something really really small and the groom picks everything for a boost of $5000 in their budget). So the bride replies, “Well he’s going to spend the rest of his life with me so I guess I could make his life miserable.” {In a precisely spiteful tone} The wedding planner was shocked. And my own jaw dropped.

HoW could you say you love someone and willing to spend the rest of your life with them if you are willing to trade your love away if something doesn’t go your way??? HOW is your wedding still supposed to resemble the love that you hold for one another??? WHY are you even getting married then?????

 I had to take a break from those shows for a bit.

Remember Bride’s Wars?

Besides the general premise of the movie, the subcontext was that there are certain trials of the wedding process we go through unknowingly but those trials either strengthen or weaken the bond between you two. It’s wonderful if both of you hold the same vision of what this day is supposed to be for you two. Even better if you focus on the spiritual aspect of joining in the bond rather than the celebrational aspect following it. But if you start tearing at each other for every little thing or try to dominate the “show” with your “uniqueness of personality”, it may very well come out to look like a circus with you two at the center of attention. And not in a good way.

You don’t have to be in love with every little thing you choose to include on that day. You don’t have to want to live the rest of your life at the venue you pick out. It’s one day that you get to make special but not so special that you suffocate your fiance with your demands and put-downs. You don’t have to be in love with every little thing as long as you preserve the love you have for one another. Isn’t that why you’re doing it? Egocentrism is a difficult state to yank yourself out of for some people I suppose.

Engaged and Racing!

July 25th, 2011 | Posted by Lunar in Myself | Relationships - (0 Comments)

I may benefit now from a “breathing” coach now more than any pregnant woman in labour probably. I seriously have to remind myself to stop and breathe sometimes. Otherwise, I forget.

We are now very happily engaged :)

So now the “fun” part begins. Honestly, if it wasn’t for my girls at work, I would have reached the point of hysteria right about now. I’m scrambling lists of things to do, stuff to get. I’m trying to watch wedding TV shows every chance I get to make sure I haven’t missed something. I’m trying to gather all the contacts that may or may not end up being useful to me – anything I can get my hands on! Yes, most couples start the planning process a year in advance. We on the other hand do not have that luxury, so the race begins :)

If anyone has any contacts you would like to share, like a really good make-up artist or photographer, please don’t be shy to step forth and share your wisdom :)

Home… Sometimes

July 21st, 2011 | Posted by Lunar in Memorabilia | Myself | Relationships - (0 Comments)

Every evening I look forward to this light. If it’s a clear enough day, I get sunsets like these visiting my place. It’s gracious, inviting… but almost always it makes me yearn to hold out my hand into the distance and wait for an answer.

It’s a home. It’s my home. But it only really feels homey if I’m hosting, if I’m making someone else feel at home there. And it is truly a relaxing and warmful space. Only that it’s meant to be a backdrop for happy memories of all sorts. Someone spilt a cup of juice on the carpet when they weren’t supposed to go out of the kitchen in the first place. Someone took a picture of the other sleeping with some drool running down the pillow. Someone almost peed their pants laughing because the other managed to lock themselves in the bathroom accidentally… It’s kind of hard making memories like that when you’re all by yourself. I bet Rapunzel would’ve kicked the title of princess if she had the choice of escaping her tower sooner, prince or no prince.

At least it’s friday tomorrow :)