Ego vs GrowthJanuary 4th, 2011 | Posted by in Familial Reflections | Spirituality | Theories & Philosophy
There comes a point at which you need to decide whether you choose the physical reality as your primary domain or the parallel realms. If you choose the material world, then following the footsteps your ego had already treaded time and time again is easiest. But once upon a time, you’ll recognize a gap – an entry point – at which you may choose to honor the energy planes and focus on your spiritual growth instead of cultivating your ego.
But even the entire idea of it is mind-boggling. Just to recognize that our “reality” is an illusion, a game board, on which we can strategize our moves and choose to live one way or another. I’ve received advices previously from others to just act on your faith and believe your feet will reach the ground safely upon making that leap. I’ve tried to do that but I haven’t entirely won the mind game with myself because there would always be a part of me nagging at the Self, “But you know that the physical reality doesn’t work that way! Just open your eyes! Open them! You’ll see!” And I could never fully disconnect from that skeptical sub-personality of mine.
And now I’m at a fork in the road again and this time it’s not about the material world but about a familial relationship. I recognize my choices this time. I can keep on letting my ego be the autopilot of my Self and try to prove to the other person why they are wrong. Or I can accept that they may never change and that this situation is not about us fixing the relationship but it is about me conquering my own ego.
And my ego is not entirely happy about this change of pace. I have a very strong, vibrant, defiant, aggressive ego, when it comes to any sort of perceived attacks in my direction. And every time I want to bring my consciousness higher and think of the entire episode with a “let it be” set of mind, my ego tries to resist, arguing that I should make myself understood and have my convictions accepted by the other party.
I know deep deep deep down that if I want the rest of the world to change, I need to be that change but at this point I can’t even fully imagine how I would act without my ego leading the way in situations similar. And to comprehend the idea that as soon as I follow through with this step the roles of the parent-child relationship will be switched, it just rattles my mentality once more. Not that I’m not used to it by now but these quakes still make a surprise appearance every once in a while.